Craigslist Musical Dedication
To my loving wife
Laura Dawn - m4w
Date: 2010-01-08, 2:21PM EST
To my Loving Wife Laura Dawn,
I have loved you for most of my life! The moment I seen you I knew we were meant to be! You have made me so happy in the past! We've had a good 10 years together! However in the past few months something has chaged, I really couldn't figure it out. You changed. You stopped being a part of "us". Then things start to suffer. You know longer kissed me when I left for work, you no longer had sex with me, we no longer cuddled in bed, something we ALWAYS did! You couldn't stand to be touched by me, and for the life of me I couldn't understand why. You were my everything.
So you can imagine how surprised I was to find find e-mails from Gary on our computer. Very detailed e-mails from Gary. I was hurt to think that you thought so little of our marriage, of our lives together. At 45 years of age I had NEVER cheated on you, or any woman at that. When we married I accepted you and your two kids as if they were mine, and all your baggage, and debt! I worked hard for this house you call your own, for your clothes, gym membership ( you didn't use and it shows). I was even able to look past the fact that you have gained over 100 lbs since we got married, and believe me that's been hard! I love you though, and that made up for everything. I did all this, only for you to turn around and fuck some other guy. I found these e-mails three weeks ago, and never mentioned anything to you. Why you ask. I had a plan of my own!
First hunny I took all those e-mails to my lawyers, for proof that you couldn't keep your fat legs crossed. I also wanted to make sure that you get NONE of my money! I work hard for my money, and I'll be damned if your fat ass gets any of it! Also the house is mine, and I wanted to make sure I do not have to split anything with you!
Second I decided to carry out a fantasy of mine. Your sister Melissa is so fuckin hot! She's only 28 years old, she skinny and fit, and has the most amaze natural big tits. Oh so juicey. I've been fucking your sister since the day I found the e-mails. Notice I no longer act interested in you! On Christmas we fucked in the bathroom during dinner, I fingered her during breakfest, and then later on when you wasn't looking in the kitchen I totally sucked on her tits! We fuck EVERY DAY! Gary can have your fat ass!
Third. Those e-mails I sent to Gary's wife! She knows now too! Actually I know you haven't heard from Gary in a while! I know this because I monitor your e-mails.. AOL has awesome features! Gary is not going to contact you anymore. He's done, and actually really ashamed he fucked your nasty fat ass! He and his wife are trying to work their marriage out. Which by the way his wife is fucking hot! I may try to hit that too, since he fucked my wife I think it's only fair don't you?
So my sweet loving Laura Dawn! You no longer have a husband, you no longer have a home! I have moved all your stuff out into the garage, you may pick them up later on tonight, or this weekend. Please call before you come. The locks have been changed, and the car needs to be returned by Sunday, or I'll report it stolen. With your belongings is 1000 dollars (which I shouldn't give you at all) use it wisely because you are no longer on my accounts! Actually I've chaged them all..just to make sure you don't have any hidden secrets I know nothing about. You may want to contact your kids and see if you can live with them.
Good luck on your future live, good luck finding another dumbass who'll fuck your fat ass!
Doug!
******
Hell hath no fury like a scorned Doug!! I like this one because it starts out sort of sweet, then quickly disintegrates into a spewing rant of bitterness. Sort of like this song...
* Ween - 'Baby Bitch' MP3
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