To the Music Department Frat Guy
Date: 2009-11-06, 4:58PM EST
To the Music Department Frat Guy:
I just want you to know that I find you incredibly attractive in every single way. I know that you will never read this, but I still think you ought to know. I see you every day, because, well, I am a music major, too. You sit at the piano next to mine in Class Piano, and I see you glance at me out of the corner of my eye every now and again. I watch you play out of the corner of mine, and I must say, you have beautiful hands.
That night at the talent show, backstage in the dark, when you stood a mere two inches from me and whispered, "Good luck," I think I almost died. You smelled so good and I could feel the heat from your body, and even though I couldn't see you, I knew it was you. I am not looking for a wild and crazy night of sex, although, let's face it, if that's all you wanted, I would certainly give it a go, I would much prefer to be in a relationship with you.
When you play your guitar and sing, oh my. If you sang to me I would simply melt into the carpet. That day in choir, when he had us face each other to sing, and I just so happened to turn to you, and you just so happened to turn to me, and we sang to each other, oh if I could go back and replay that moment forever in time, I would do so in an instant. When I see you in the lobby of our music building, my heart speeds up and I most likely begin to sweat embarrassingly in your presence. I occasionally become tongue-tied and I wonder if you can tell that I like you, but even if you can, you will never go for me.
Why? Because you're about five-foot-ten, one-seventy-five to one-eighty lbs, curly auburn hair, soft brown eyes, muscles to die for, and I? I am five-foot-four, about one-sixty-five lbs, shoulder-length brown hair, greenish eyes. Now, perhaps that doesn't sound too bad, but add in very light acne around my period, glasses, some extra chunk I wish would just go away, and the fact that I am a single mother, well, not exactly a good catch for anyone. That might sound as though I am only putting myself down, and in some ways, I am. And yet these are the bullshit excuses that I get when a guy finds out I like him.
I work my ass off to make sure things go well academically. I had a kid in high school by a guy I'd much prefer to not talk about. I still managed to graduate with a four-point-oh and the title of Valedictorian, and I still managed to snag the lead in the musical. But finding love? You may as well just ask me to surgically remove my right arm myself. That might actually be possible. You, Music Department Frat Guy, are such a good person, so nice, so easy-going, you are more my type than anyone else in the music department, not that there are many to choose from, but you...you will never notice me like that. Because on top of being in the music department, you also bear the title of "Frat Guy." And what does that mean?
Girls. Coming and going from the frat house at all hours of the day and night. Plenty of opportunities for you, even though you strike me as the type to not do anything with them. I personally find it very hard to believe that you are single. Why? What the hell is wrong with all these beautiful girls that hang all over you? If I looked like them, I would have asked you out a long time ago, kid or not. But I am just a timid freshman in college, hiding from you my true feelings because I think that you might just deserve better than me. I think that every guy I really truly like in a more than sexual way deserves to find someone who is beautiful and with whom they can start their very own family together, instead of having to inherit some other guy's child. Which, oddly enough, is the opposite of why some guys won't date me. They think I expect them to become "Daddy," which is utterly ridiculous.
I feel as though I ought to just give up on you, Music Department Frat Guy, because I will never make a move. I feel as though I should just stoop to the guys I really have no attraction to just so I don't have to be lonely any longer. Perhaps I should just continue to watch you from afar, but I don't really know what the point is, because one day you will get a girlfriend, and I will feel as though my heart has been ripped out and shattered into a multitude of variously sized and shaped pieces. Maybe you will read this one day, and realize that I am talking about you, and maybe you'll figure out who I am, and maybe you'll laugh every time you see me, but maybe, just maybe, you'll look at me differently and realize that I, too, am only human, and maybe, just maybe, you'll want to know more.
Music Department Girl
Whoa...did anyone manage to finish this one? If you didn't, no hard feelings. It started out as a missed connection, then sort of transformed into a journal entry, and by the end it was like a giant cry for help...i love the random moments of peoples consciousness that craigslist captures.
* Stars - 'What I'm Trying To Say' MP3