Certain Songs

You walked out of my

life for the last time

- w4m - 25 (alone)

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Date: 2010-01-27, 2:20PM EST

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This is a bit different but I hope it gets to others who enjoy reading these as much as I do.
Im sitting here just moments after you walked out the door, again.
This will probably make you mad, everything I say makes you mad. But I hope you can hear me this time.
You say we need time to think, what do you think I have been doing all alone? I have nothing but time to think about you and me what we had what I want us to have.
You keep hearing yourself, you talk and talk and never listen. If you had listened sooner, maybe I wouldnt have cheated on you.
Blame me all you want, what you think is what you have to live with. And even if you read this, I doubt you will hear me, even then.
For 9 years you say you stuck by me, yet you told me that it was only for my parents money and my car.
But when I tell you that for 9 years I stuck by you, you laugh. You think you are so good, you have no fault.
And I guess thats my fault, for making you beleive that. I always told you you were the one, that I'd never leave. Thats because we worked through so much I thought we could work through anything.
But now I realise we werent working through anything at all, every time I got mad, u say I blow things out of proportion, you tell me to drop it, let it go, beleive u, or we are done. And I would, I should have kept screaming and screaming until you heard me.
But would you ever have?
For 9 years you didnt show me how much you loved me, you didnt do anything exciting, romantic. I never felt like you were proud of me, that you wanted to show me off. You never brought me home roses for no reason, you never did anything romantic in the least. Then you make a friend who is some kinda evil. For a whole year I listen to your friend tell me things that you never did, treat me in ways you never would. I told you to stop being his friend, i told you about him being innapropriate with me, you accused me of not wanting you to have friends and threatened to leave again. I should have let you go.
Then you set me up with him, thinking i wanted to sleep with him. You should have known he would say all those things he said to get me to do it, do all those things he did. But you thought it was all me....again....after everything you put me through with him.
And you expected me not to go through with it?
We agreed to change for each other, now after all of this...i would be the g/f u wanted me to be, and you would be the b/f i wanted you to be.
Valentines day is comming up, yeah you say you dont have commitment issues but 9 years and we still arent married...you choose to get a tattoo but cant committ to haven my name? I told you I would get yours on my skin, because even if we fell apart it would be a reminder of the last 9 years all we had and all we have been through. And you still dont hear me, you think its about the tattoo.
Its not
Its about all those missed connections over the last 9 years, Thats what I needed from you. When we said we would both change, im the only one who did. you think making a trip here is big and romantic? I told you i shouldnt have had to cheat on you, you think you arent to blame. fine you will have to live with that.
But im off to find someone to make me feel the way every girl should be made to feel.
"every pretty girl deserves to go to a ball" - yes man
im off to find someone i dont have to ask if im pretty, im off to find someone who will brag to his friends about me, not just tell them about our fights and im off to find someone who will say i love you not just when he is leaving for work, im off to find someone who will kiss me no just because i made you a good dinner, im off to find someone who will surprise me with something sweet and romantic atleast every once in awhile, to remind me that i am special. im off to find the someone who i thought if i just stuck by long enough i would get in you.
im off to find someone to make me feel the way you should have been making me feel all along.
can you hear me now?
Goodbye

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"Can you hear me now?" Snap!! Oh no she didn't just get all Verizon up in here! Sorry,sorry,sorry...just watched the Tyra show before doing this. Bad idea.


* Chairlift - ' Don't Give A Dam' MP3